Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Dislocated Nashville

I've never been to Nashville before.

I assume it is not dislocated. Nor are the inhabitants of this musical town all dragging dislocated appendages around. Of course not, you may chuckle, Nashville is home to many fine, well located shoulders and musicians. And I would smile and nod "yes" but deep down inside I'd still be wondering.

However, in a hour or two (or less) I'll be in a fine automobile couched on poofy seats hurtling around 60 or 70 miles an hour for the lovely state of Tennessee. Nashville bound, specifically.

Portland Studios has been invited to the grand opening concert of Andrew Peterson's new album, "The Far Country" which Justin created the cover and interior booklet art for and Brannon designed.

I actually did nothing for the CD other than I think I handed Justin some paper once. Basically I'm going for kicks and a free concert along with a being near Graceland.

Should be a great trip if I can manage to keep my wandering arm in joint. I'm haunted with the memory of the resounding "pop-heard-round-the-pool" of Colorado fame.

Full post detailing all the gritty details of Nashville upon my return Friday afternoon.

For now, the promised story from my very first post.


This is the funniest thing I have ever read.

People may tell you, "No, this is the funniest thing I have ever read, or that is the funniest thing I have ever read."

No, no, this is the funniest thing I have ever read. Maybe it's because I know the people in it, or maybe it's because it happened to me, or what I really don't know. All I know is my last words to Justin were, "Write a story about this. And make it uncontrollably funny."

And he did.

Gwen, outside the E.R.

Me, inside the E.R. and Hillary is so sorry.

A small excerpt, for those not yet convinced to undertake the reading of the chronicle:

Setting; after the dislocation and the journey to the E.R. This is Justin, the one driving, who is speaking:
. . .

I turn back to cory and tell him, "Cory, i have good news and i have bad news, the bad news is that your arm is out of joint and that we have to take you to the hospital which is an hour from here threw an impossibly hard hike and a gutwrenching drive back the good news is that we- ... ok there is no good news.'

At this point, cory makes an unbelievable louis and clark expedtion back up the mountain dragging a limp right arm over the rough terrain while navigating the terrain like a spider with only 3 limbs where the rest of us struggled with 4. after an ardous mile hike back we reach the car, cory is now in a stupor and is shivering and moaning about yaks or something, and hillary is now back to her normal peace loving self and is aghast at what her alternate steven segall ego has done to poor cory. so anyway, i step on it and drive at 180 miles an hour all the way back to travelers rest, hitting every single bump and rock and pothole and curb and water buffalo that i could find along the way and slowing down only once, when Gwen pointed out a boiled peanut stand in Travelers Rest, where the back half of an elephant was standing. and i said, "my thats odd, the back half of an elephant right here in trav- AH! THATS NOT AN ELEPHANT!! THATS A, A PERSON!!!" and sure enough, it was, it was the hugest person i had ever seen in my entire life. literally the size of an elephant's flank. and it was looming over the boiled peanut stand like some horrific steven king poltergiest pachederm. and ben kammer got on top of the car and shouted through cupped hands, "PUT THE PEANUTS DOWN!! NOW!! PUT EM DOWN!! YES, YOU, BACK AWAY! to no avail, as in my rear view mirror i could see her lift the peanut stand from its trailor park foundations and eat it, clerk and all. Cory moans and i step on it again.

after a few more minutes of super high speed travel (that to cory felt was like riding in an old pinto with square wheels through a mine field) we arrived at the hospital. they fired cory into a wheelchair and ziiped him right into the back, and then they shooed us out.

. . .

Without further ado:

The Legend of Induction Night.


Gwen said...

once again..i'm crying
gosh. it's been a year. that was the funniest night ever.

Anonymous said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! it will never never cease to be side spliting!

my children will read this story and say "mommy, you were bad!" i will smile oh so sweetly and serenly and say "oh children...tosh. it was all in good fun!"

here is to the funniest guy i know! cheers!!

Anonymous said...

oh, that was me (hill) by the way. =)